Friendships or NOT
The Harsh one
I’ve kept it very close to the original feeling and flow, while making it readable and removing names.
A post from someone I had become friendly with through a spiritual group. Long story short, I thought I had connected with one person, but ended up becoming friendly with someone else instead. She was from another group and, over time, we developed what I thought was a friendship.
I felt that I supported her when she was going through difficulties, including a legal issue involving one of her clients. I listened, encouraged, and was there for her. But looking back, it wasn’t reciprocal. There was no real reciprocity. When I was going through one of the most difficult periods of my life, dealing with my dad and everything else that was happening, there was very little support coming back my way.
Anyway, I hadn’t contacted her for quite some time, and then recently she got in touch. She sent me a message and my immediate thought was, “I wonder what she wants?” Sure enough, after a vague “How are you?” and “I hope you’re feeling better,” the real reason for contacting me emerged. She wanted me to circulate information about her course or programme.
That was the real purpose of the contact.
I hadn’t heard from her for ages, and then suddenly she appeared when she wanted something.
I made no attempt to engage. I simply responded with a thumbs-up emoji.
But despite all of that, it reminded me of something bigger. She represents a pattern that has repeated throughout my life. People who only seem to contact me when they need information, support, help, contacts, or something else from me. Otherwise, I rarely hear from them.
What I realise now is that this is showing me something about what I have been attracting and accepting. I have attracted these one-sided relationships over and over again. People who are not really there for me.
The universe is showing me something.
It is reflective of my inner environment and, in some ways, my outer environment too. I have not fully created the earthly refuge, the sanctuary, the temple that I want around me or within me. That is the deeper realisation.
The cycle has to stop.
Because if it doesn’t stop here, it will continue into every area of life, including significant relationships. The same pattern will simply show up wearing a different face.
So strangely, I am grateful for the reminder.
The gesture itself gave me clarity. It reminded me to disengage from all of that. Not to react. Not to chase. Not to continue attracting or entertaining those kinds of people anymore, whether male or female.
No more.
I genuinely raise my hands and say, “No more.”
I know I need to work on myself because making or breaking this pattern is part of shedding the old self. Everything is changing. So much of what once seemed important now feels immaterial, mundane, and unimportant.
That includes certain people.
I found myself thinking today that I have no friends.
And that’s okay.
Maybe that’s exactly as it needs to be right now.
Because I am coming into my own. I am learning who I am. I am learning to choose differently. I am learning to stop investing in what has never truly served me.
I am not doing that anymore.
I was going to send a message, explain myself, make a point, say something.
Then I realised I would only be wasting my time.
The thumbs-up emoji was enough.
And if she contacts me again, I may not even respond. The same goes for other time-wasters.
I am done.
Truly done.
At some point, you have to put your money where your mouth is. If you say you’re finished with a pattern, then your actions have to reflect that.
Enough is enough.
The lesson has been learned.
Now it is time to embark on a friendship with myself.
These relationships are not fruitful. They are not worth investing in. They are not worth reaching for.
You don’t stretch yourself to pick fruit that you already know is not nourishing.
You wait for the right fruit.
You choose what is healthy, reciprocal, and life-giving.
As for the rest, forget them.
This is it.
This reads very much like a journal entry of realisation rather than a polished article, which I think captures the energy of what you were expressing in the moment.
Gentler Tone One
Choose What Nourishes You
Sometimes life sends us small reminders that reveal much bigger truths.
Recently, I found myself reflecting on certain relationships and patterns that have appeared throughout different chapters of my life. Not because of any one person or event, but because I began to notice a recurring theme.
There are times when we give our energy, attention, kindness, and support freely, believing that we are building meaningful connections. Sometimes those connections grow and flourish. Sometimes they do not.
What I am beginning to understand is that every relationship serves a purpose, even if that purpose is simply to teach us something about ourselves.
The greatest lesson for me has been the importance of reciprocity.
Not keeping score. Not expecting perfection. Simply recognising that healthy relationships involve a natural exchange of care, respect, presence, and goodwill.
When that balance is missing, it creates an opportunity for reflection.
What am I accepting?
What am I inviting into my life?
What standards am I setting for my time, energy, and attention?
Rather than feeling disappointed, I find myself feeling grateful for the clarity.
Clarity is a gift.
It helps us recognise what belongs in our lives and what no longer does.
It helps us release old patterns and make room for healthier ones.
Most importantly, it reminds us that the relationship we have with ourselves sets the tone for every other relationship we experience.
I am learning that it is okay to have quieter seasons.
It is okay to step back.
It is okay to spend time rebuilding, reflecting, healing, and becoming more intentional about who and what I welcome into my life.
Not every space needs to be filled.
Not every connection needs to be maintained.
Not every door needs to remain open.
Some seasons are for gathering.
Some seasons are for pruning.
And some seasons are for strengthening the roots.
This feels like one of those seasons.
A time to choose quality over quantity.
A time to value depth over familiarity.
A time to invest in relationships that are mutual, nourishing, and aligned with the life I want to create.
Most of all, it is a time to deepen the friendship I have with myself.
The lesson is not one of rejection or loss.
It is one of discernment.
And for that, I am thankful.